40 icons of tango, judges of the world tango championship, world champions, and experienced maestros came together to create one remarkable book.
If you want to see what works in a relationship, you simply need to take it to the dance floor and see how it works there.
And if you want to create a powerful result in your tango, take something that works in relationships and apply it in tango.
Today, I simply want to share with you how you can create a better connection and dancing experience for your partner, simply by asking a simple question.
According to research on relationships, there is one crucial factor that makes your relationships stronger or weaker.
If you have it, your relationships get stronger, if not, they get weaker.
This factor is the “perceived partner responsiveness”.
That simply means: do you feel your partner is responsive to your needs, your desires? Does he/she understand them, listen to them and respond accordingly?
If this feeling is mutual, the relationship gets stronger as time passes. If not, the relationship gets weaker.
But how do you increase this factor in your relationships? And what does it have to do with improving in tango?
What researchers found, is that by simply asking one specific question and then listen, you can create powerful relations and connection; you can create a feeling of “partner responsiveness”.
The most beautiful thing, is that if you ask this question in tango, you can create stronger connections too in no time.
What’s that question?
-What.matters.to.you?
I love asking this question after the first song in a tanda.
Instead of the usual, superficial, “where do you come from?”, “how long do you dance?”, “who is your teacher?”, I simply say:
-You know what. I try to understand better the people I dance with so I can improve my dance, so I would like to ask you a question if you don’t mind. What matters more to you when dancing tango?
If the answer is “a comfortable embrace” I focus on that for the next three songs. If it is “flow” I focus on that. If it is “dancing to the music” I focus on that. If it is “connection” I focus on that. If it is “silence”, I get the point 🙂
(And yes, it would be lovely if I could focus on all of them at the same time, but I am far away technically from that still. And this is why I am happy for the book TangoTips by the Maestros, with tango advice from 40+ world class maestros, check it out.)
The power of this simple question “What matters to you?” is amazing.
I invite you to use it today. Use it at work, at the milonga, at the phone.
Heck, if you have someone around you right now, stop reading, go ask.
Ask, and shut up. Listen, not to respond, but to understand. Don’t give your viewpoint, don’t give your opinion.
Then decide to do one small action to give to that person what’s important to him/her.
Now, I would like to ask you a question, if it is OK with you. Can you tell me, in the comments below, what matters to you in tango? I would love to know.
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Dimitris Bronowski
TangoArgentinoFestivals.com
I find extremely importand for me while dancing, to be feel that my partner enjoys the dance. A simple smiley face, or just a small pause after the end of the dance before we break the connection, is enough to show me that my partner enjoys it, is not in a rush to leave, that let’s the moment last a bit longer.
Dimitris
To me it’s important the connection between the partners and of course the musicality.
What a nice question! In order to learn, understand more about my partner at the moment! To me is important a comfortable embrace and musicality.
What a beautiful question…
Thank you for sharing this.
I always enjoy more dances where my partner makes me laugh between the songs and during the dance. It’s weird right, it has nothing to do with tango, and still this is what makes my tango experience so much better.
Great post!
There are two things that matter to me:
1) Feeling that my partner enjoys dancing with me
2) Feeling that the dance we create is a “shared responsibility”. When I dance with a lady that does a few adornos at the right moment, I feel great. She is listening to the music too, and she is co-creating a moment with me.
Uf! Es una pregunta simple con una respuesta compleja en mi caso, creo que muchas cosas y eso es lo que lo hace más interesante, a veces sólo me importa divertirme, jugar, probar, crear y reír, otras veces me gustaría volar, con esto me refiero a cuando te abrazas con alguien y al comenzar la música parecen una sola persona, cuando todo fluye de una manera tan natural y placentera que pareciera que tan sólo estas flotando al compás de la música, otras veces estoy tan decilucionada que sólo me importa que no me aprieten o bloqueen, la necesidad va cambiando según el día y la persona con la que bailo, espero también en cada tango recibir un abrazo sincero y cómodo que se modifique con la necesidad de la danza y lo que nunca cambia es que siempre espero que podamos escuchar la misma música😊
Assuming that good hygiene is a prerequisite, being comfortable in an embrace is what I find that matters most. When I feel that my partner is not in a hurry to do things, to move. Just a comfortable embrace, a calming one. That’s all it takes (in life too, right?)
For me are two things very important:
1. Perfectly to the rhythm.
2. Good posture.
If we have these two things, we can create an amazing dance!
I wouldn’t expect something different from you Pablo 🙂 No wonder why you are one of the few people in the world with such a good understanding of musicality. I remember watching your video on syncopation, great work! Do you have any other videos like that to recommend?
*For anyone interested: https://youtu.be/zsRx99g2zxQ?t=37
Yes! The first one is our first musicality video where we talk about the importance of giving time when embracing:
https://youtu.be/rG6kIX3YxJM
Then there is another one about approaching and how we think is the best way:
https://youtu.be/qGU3U26QeBo
Thanks for the good question 🤗
There are several things that are important to me in a dance:
Embrace, music, feeling, enjoyment after which you do not want to talk but just pause in your partner’s arms 🤗
Translated (hopefully accurately) by Tango Argentino Festivals. Original text:
Дякую за гарне запитання 🤗
Для мене в танці важливі декілька речей:
Обійми, музика, відчуття, насолода, після якої не хочеться говорити, а просто завмерти в обіймах 🤗
Wonderful question and already some wonderful comments. If i had one wish to ask for, it would be staying in axis, and if I had another, it would be staying in axis in close embrace.
If I don’t get a smile or an approving sigh from my partner, we have failed in our physical conversation.
Why is that Andrew?
What matters to me? “Perceived partner responsiveness.” I’ve not heard that expression before, and that seems to perfectly encapsulate what I look for from a partner. So, I guess the next question is something like, “What does responsiveness mean to you?”
The biggest factor for me is matching the energy of me and of the music (assuming *I* am matching that well). The energy (even when quiet) in the embrace and in the movement.