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The Tuga Tango Marathon was almost over.
I left a bit earlier, since I just had the best tanda of my life.
People say, this is the right time to leave the milonga.
A beautiful combination of the right atmosphere (the red lights), an incredible vals tanda by Dani Benson with songs I never heard before in the ten years I am dancing, and a great partner.
I took a moment after that to sit down with my hand on my heart, and let everything sink in.
I was left asking myself:
Why do people love tango so much?
Only something that is very tightly bound to the core of the human experience can create such a strong… addiction.
I believe there are three reasons.
The first becomes obvious when you realize what is the reason most people look for a partner in life.
There is something deep in our psychology.
We all look for someone that will look at us and say:
“I notice you”
“I notice your life”
As human beings we want our lives to be seen, to not live unnoticed.
When a person appears in our lives that notices us, our behaviour and our work, (s)he wins our hearts.
And this is the first reason tango can become so addictive.
Before you even start your dance, someone looked at you, someone noticed you standing or sitting.
And the moment the invitation is made, (s)he has simply told you:
I noticed you.
But people noticing us is not enough.
There is a second deep need that we all have and tango helps us fulfill it.
Think for a moment what makes a great tanda.
I am sure you can come with many answers.
One answer that everyone agrees upon is:
Connection.
A great tanda always has connection.
Why is that so important?
I believe that for true connection to take place, there is something that absolutely needs to happen:
Your partner for the dance needs to understand you.
This is exactly what we look for in all our relationships, isn’t it?
Someone who understands us.
The moment you embrace someone and you feel that the communication between the two bodies is flowing, your mind thinks:
(S)He understands me.
The moment a more advanced leader/follower dances with you and respects your capacity, again you think:
(S)He understands me.
What’s the last part?
I believe that the last part is the most crucial.
I will talk from the leader’s perspective.
When I dance with a woman, my first concern is to protect her.
She has given me her trust, and trust can be lost easily.
When she knows that I am not going to crash her feet on a chair or the couple next to us, the trust stays with us.
My second concern is to provide a beautiful, and if possible, meaningful experience.
For a while I thought that those two concerns are separate from each other, two different entities.
Today, I came to a different conclusion.
You see, they both communicate one thing:
“You matter to me.”
I am thinking of my relationship with my wife, and I am asking what makes it so beautiful.
I think, it is those three exact things.
Exactly like a perfect tanda, our actions keep telling each other the same three things:
I notice you.
I understand you.
You matter to me.
What if we could all keep those three sentences in our minds at the beginning of each tanda? Can you imagine an event like that?
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Dimitris Bronowski
TangoArgentinoFestivals.com
Interesting thoughts Dimitris. Your 3 reasons are person orientated. You notice me, you matter to me, you understand me. Nice.
And if you are not noticed/ understood? Difficult.
For me it is different.
I love the music, for me the discovery of tango music was a mixture of hearing gypsy music and kletzma Jewish music, but special and different on its own. Expressing music with one’s body is liberating and I can express my own emotion hearing the music. Then connection, as you pointed out, is very important as the body expressing music is shared. Thus, this experience can be like meditation, exiting time and place to a different world. What do you think?.
I think it is beautiful you have found this connection with music. The music becomes the origin of your tango. Instead of laying your awareness on yourself or the partner, you lay it on something external and magical. Since you mentioned meditation: some people focus on breathing (internal), some people on sound (external). A lot of times, focusing on something external allows us to easier leave our ego behind, than when we focus on something internal. In fact, reading your answer, I realized that it was Dani Benson’s music that led to my best tanda ever, since I remembered that all my focus was on the music. Thank you for this realization. I wonder, when you meditate, do you prefer focusing also on sound or on breathing?
Hello Dimitris, nice response thank you. When I meditate now I reach the void, another place, free and quiet with no self awareness. Have started with guided meditation but now It is without sound or even awareness of breathing. With connection at tango however it is just the music and no self awareness. No ego as you said. Happy dancing
Thank you Kay 🙂
Thanks for sharing. For me it is different. I do not need to be noticed, and that someone takes care of me.
I am really satisfied, when I feel that both are confortable, in each others arms, that the way we are listening and living our tanda is One.
We made us ONE inspite we do not even Know each other .
A sort of ecxtasy hard to get. But when you get it, you understand the meaning of existence
This is a beautiful thought Adriana. I am really curious, how do you experience being One? Can you share what it feels like?
For me, a tanda is another beautiful opportunity to be In The Flow! I connect to become one with my partner and treasure every minute or second.
When I am dancing at a festival, with many couples dancing around me, sensual music carries me away, and I am flowing with my partner, I feel blessed.
And this is exactly what I teach at my Tango ConfiDance workshops at marathons. I take people on a journey in their mind. And their hugs and gratitude after the class propel me even further into The Flow, and the spiral continues. 🙂
I’m a professional Dance Host. I will rarely have a bad tanda. Connecting with dancers of all types and all levels of dance skills is what makes my dance life very enjoyable. Your three sentences are always part of the enjoyment. The giving is an important part of the taking and the best feedback are the smiles.